Ray and Liz

When Ray and Liz chose guardians to name in their Wills for young Rose and Sam, they named one person at a time even though some of those people are now married.  This provides clearer direction for the probate court and minimizes the likelihood the children could be involved in any future conflict due to deaths, divorces or remarriages of any of the couples.

They also authorized the named guardian to designate their spouse to serve as co-guardian so long as the named guardian is serving, but they did not specify the spouse’s name. 

The court’s option to appoint the named guardian’s spouse to serve as co-guardian if requested could be important to Rose and Sam. 

For example, children often receive their health care insurance coverage through a parent’s employer.  Some employers allow other children living full time with an employee to also be eligible for coverage, but that eligibility can be limited to children for whom the employee has been appointed guardian by a court. 

So it might be essential that the half of the couple whose employment has health insurance available also be a formally appointed guardian. 

Plus, if Rose or Sam were seriously hurt while the guardian is traveling or is otherwise unavailable, it may be important that the named guardian’s spouse can directly consult and consent to medical treatment for them. 

For assistance considering your own estate planning choices, including how to name a guardian, please call our office at (815) 436-1996 for an appointment. 

©2015 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

Ray and Liz have decided where their children will fit best if Ray and Liz were to pass away before they are grown.  Liz’s nephew is near in age and adores his cousins, and Aunt Joy and Uncle Tom are great parents. 

Choosing possible guardians to name in their Wills is both more and less than picking a future family for Ray and Liz’s children.  But the court would not appoint the whole family to serve as guardian. Instead, the court will appoint an adult to serve, or sometimes two adults to serve together. 

Of course, families and marriages change over the years.  While Ray and Liz could name both Joy and her husband, Tom, to serve as co-guardians, we recommend that they name one person, not both.

What if they named them together, but Joy and Tom later divorce?  How would the court decide which to name to serve?  Or whether to skip both entirely since they cannot serve together? 

We do not want the court to have to guess about it.  If their children end up having to live through the death of their parents, Ray and Liz do not want them to be at risk of a custody battle between divorced potential guardians.

Next week we will write about how to give the court flexibility to appoint both spouses to be guardians together in the right situation, without the risk of any custody dispute.  For assistance considering your own estate planning choices, including how to name a guardian, please call our office at (815) 436-1996 for an appointment. 

©2015 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

Ray and Liz finally decided who should serve as guardian of their children if they were to pass away too early in life.  First, they will name Liz’s sister, Joy.  If Joy could not do it, then Ray’s nearly life-long friend, Ted, will be named to serve. 

That was the step one.  Next, they want to minimize the possible burden on Joy or Ted and maximize the benefits for their children.  One way to help is to write letters to Joy and Ted, to be opened only if Ray and Liz do pass away before little Rose and Sam are ready to be on their own.    

It may seem a bit eerie, but writing letters from the grave can really make a big difference – and they can be updated whenever the family situation changes.  Ray and Liz can simply replace the old letters. 

Ray and Liz write about what they hope for their kids, like pointing out how much Rose loves bugs, lizards and microscopes, and they think she might like to be a scientist. 

They can encourage both Joy and Ted separately to talk with each other about what is going on with the kids, regardless of which one of them is serving as the guardian right then. 

Importantly, they can give Joy ‘permission’ to decline to serve if it would not work well with her situation as it exists after Ray and Liz’s deaths, by telling her they are confident that Ted would keep family contact for the kids. 

Liz and Ray now have an annual New Year’s Day Project, to update their letters each year, as part of looking forward to the next year and taking stock of last year’s changes.

Happy New Year from the Gruber Law Office!  

© 2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

Suddenly, quietly, it is Christmas Eve.  Wait, Christmas Eve is not quiet anymore, with Sam now 5 months old and Rose so excited about her 4th Christmas that she cannot sleep. 

Besides deciding the best presents for Rose and Sam, Liz and Ray are working out how to be sure love surrounds Sam and Rose no matter what happens.  They are deciding who they should name to serve as guardian for their children in their Wills. 

They did have trouble getting in touch with Santa to see if he would be willing to do the job if Liz and Ray moved on up to watch from far above before their kids were ready to be out on their own.  “Plus, maybe he’d get them lost in with all those elves,” worries Liz. 

So they have narrowed down their candidates to two, neither of whom are Santa.  Liz’s sister, Joy, and her family would shower them with love.  Ray’s friend, Ted, and his fiancée would welcome them with love and much excitement. 

Both are good choices, and both would face real challenges if events required them to be guardians for Rose and Sam.  But Liz and Ray are at peace with the prospects for Rose and Sam to always know that love comes down at Christmas for everyone, including Rose and Sam, even if Ray and Liz are unable to teach them that joyful lesson in person in the future.

We at the Gruber Law Office send out our wishes to all for a peaceful and loving Christmas, hoping that peace finds itself more at home our country and our world beginning this very minute.    

© 2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

Liz and Ray continue to consider who should be named to serve as guardian of their children in their Wills.  So far, they’ve thought about Liz’s sister Joy, Ray’s brother Don, or their friend Ted. 

One factor is the guardian’s own family situation.  For example, since Ted is engaged, whether his fiancée would be willing to take on parenting Rose and Sam is important.

If the guardian has children, how old are they in comparison?  Are they healthy or need intense care and attention?  Would the guardian likely be able to merge the children into a new family if Rose and Sam were added as orphans in the future? 

Don has no children and is single.  Liz and Ray wonder if his ‘cool’ lifestyle could accommodate children.  And would Don be willing to make the adjustments that would be needed? 

Many parents say that having a child changes their lives completely.  Adding an orphan to a family, whether there are already children or not, is a similarly huge transition.

Considering the answers to these kinds of questions is useful.  For Ray and Liz, determining the answers can help them write letters for their named guardians to be read only if Ray and Liz were to pass away too soon.  It can be important to give permission to a named guardian to decline if it does not fit their situation as hoped – and a letter allows that, even after death.

For assistance considering your estate planning choices, including naming a guardian, please call our office at (815) 436-1996 for an appointment. 

© 2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

Time flies; for his first Thanksgiving, Sam is already 4 months, and Rose is having her 4th Thanksgiving.  Liz and Ray are trying to decide who they should name to serve as guardian for Sam and Rose in their Wills. 

While planning their Turkey Day, Ray and Liz think about how a guardian’s location would matter for Rose and Sam to see their extended families.  But they also wonder whether attitude and familiarity outweigh distance and location. 

Joy would be great with her own (Liz’s) family, but how would things go with Ray’s family, who she barely knows?  Ray’s friend, Ted, loves family gatherings above most other things, so he has been to gatherings with both Ray and Liz’s families.  But who would think to invite him if Ray were not around?

One way Liz and Ray could help would be to put letters with their Wills.  Those letters would be for their guardians and/or their families to read in the event they died unexpectedly. 

The letters could encourage the guardians – or family members – to work hard to be sure the kids and friends are included in various family gatherings.  They can include anything, like how Rose loves to go fishing with her grandpa and would be heartbroken if that got lost in the shuffle. 

The more the guardian, family, and friends know about Liz and Ray’s hopes for their kids, the more likely the important relationships will be nurtured later. 

Thanksgiving is for appreciation, and we at the Gruber Law Office hope that you and yours appreciate each other, as we all gather to give thanks.   

©2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

This column is not about real estate, so “location, location, location” is not an accurate statement.  This is about Liz and Ray’s Will – and who they would name to serve as guardians of baby Sam and 4-year-old Rose - in case their parents both were to pass away before their children are adults.

Like having a close family relationship, location matters, but it is not the end of the inquiry.  In fact, neither person with Rose and Sam as niece and nephew reside in the same school district.  In fact, one lives about an hour away, and the other lives in Idaho.  So Rose and Sam would have to change houses, school, neighborhood, town, and possibly even their home state and region of the country if uncle or aunt ended up as guardian. 

Their closest neighbors have only older kids, but have been friendly since Ray and Liz moved in about 5 years ago.  On the other hand, even Rose doesn’t know them more than as nice next door neighbors, and they have so far only met (and of course, admired) 3-month-old Sam while he is out on walks with his family. 

Of course, their aunt and uncle both have known his parents longer and have endured far more stories about both Sam and Rose and ‘had’ to adore them much longer. 

So their aunt or uncle would likely be better choices than the neighbors in spite of location.  On the other hand, if a close friend or cousin lived nearby and saw them often, that person might be an even better choice.

For assistance considering your estate planning choices, including whom to name as guardian, please call our office at (815) 436-1996 for an appointment.

© 2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

Picking someone to be guardian of their young children is a difficult decision for Ray and Liz, like it is for most parents.  One of the less definable considerations could be called “style,” meaning parenting style.  And it isn’t as much of a surface issue as it might sound and can outweigh other things, like how closely related a person is.

First, of course, Ray and Liz should figure out what their own style is.  As parents of 4-year-old Rose and her baby brother, Sam, they are learning that some things work and others don’t.  All together, their approach does add up to a parenting style.

But it is not so easy to step back to define their own style and compare it with that of possible guardians.  After all, they are trying to adjust to the double trouble of managing sibling rivalry and figuring out how to get Sam to sleep through the night, so they won’t be so very exhausted.  When they have a moment to stop and think, they seem to mostly just fall asleep!   

Thinking about it, though, is part of loving Rose and Sam.  If they are unexpectedly orphaned in the future, the people they live with will be incredibly important.  And while much change would obviously be inevitable, some similarity in everyday attitudes about living, respect, and expectations at their new home will provide needed constancy for their future.

 For assistance considering your estate planning choices, including whom to name as guardian, please call our office at (815) 436-1996 for an appointment. 

© 2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

Ray and Liz are trying to work out who to name as guardian for their baby, Sam, and 4-year-old, Rose, in their Wills in case Liz and Ray die too soon. Liz was surprised when Ray wanted to talk about his good friend since childhood, Ted.
She thought they should only consider family members as possibilities, for all the reasons she explained to him in our last column. But Ray has persisted, and he feels he has good reasons too.

Ray feels that he and Ted are closer than most brothers. Ted has come to many family gatherings over the years and was best man at their wedding. He and his fiancé see (and adore) Sam and Rose all the time, and they live close.

He agrees that Liz’s sister Joy would be best, but he thinks that Liz‘s brother Don is not a good second choice.

Don is a nice guy for sure, but he says he never wants to get married, makes a few too many jokes about having ‘rug rats’ around, rides motorcycles without a helmet, and thinks adventure is his calling in life. Worse, he is awful with money.

Don may change in the future, but Ray and Liz are making their decision now about who to name in their Wills – someone to make sure their children still feel treasured in the event Ray and Liz do not live to see them grow into adults.

For assistance considering your estate planning choices, including whom to name as guardian, please call our office at (815) 436-1996 for an appointment.

©2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

Picking people to be guardian of minor children is a difficult decision for all parents. Liz tells Ray that they can only consider relatives to serve. Although legally there is no such restriction, most parents do choose to list family members to be guardian in their Wills as a practical matter.

Serving as guardian after a child has been unexpectedly orphaned is a heavy responsibility, and Liz says she would not feel comfortable expecting a non-relative to do that.

Plus, Liz says her family know her (and Ray’s) expectations about how to deal with their children, having grown up with or seen Liz and Ray themselves grow up, watching them with their children and understanding much about how family relationships work in the immediate and/or extended family.

It might also be easier for family to help the children continue with their extended family relationships. For example, their own family gatherings will probably be the same ones Liz and Ray would bring Sam and Rose to themselves.
Relationship does matter, partly because it usually comes with familiarity. Many times, family really does “know us best” and so can be the right choice for guardian. On the other hand, there can be good reasons to choose friends rather than family like Ray wants to consider, which we will write about next week.

For assistance considering your estate planning choices, including whom to name as guardian, please call our office at (815) 436-1996 for an appointment.

©2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.

It seems like yesterday that Patricia first became a parent, but we know it was more than 8 years ago due to the insistence of children to grow up. Third grade seemed impossibly far away when sleep deprivation was one of our toughest challenges adjusting to tiny baby.

The physical demands of the job were far more than was reasonable. And we know the demands of parenthood are always far more than is reasonable – which brings us to our point.

When parents consider who to name to be guardian of their kids in the unthinkable event that both parents pass away unexpectedly early in their kids’ lives, they may not initially think about the most ‘obvious’ requirement.
Specifically, the person needs to be able to parent the kids. Loving care is physically and emotionally exhausting from infancy through adulthood – and also is absolutely essential. The parents need to consider how the person they name would be able to provide care and assure care is provided when or if they cannot do it themselves.
When we wrote about Tom and Tina last week, we made a huge assumption. They knew and agreed that their friend, Connie, was perfect for the job if it were ever to be necessary.

That is rare. It is most often a very difficult decision. Our next few columns will follow how parents Liz and Ray, who have a baby, Sam, and Rose, a 4-year-old, decide about naming a guardian.

Designating a guardian for your children is an important part of being a parent. For advice, call our office at (815) 436-1996 for an estate planning appointment.

© 2014 Gruber Law Office, Ltd.